Dealing with high maintenance relationships in Lagos - Nigeria : 360 Psyche

Dealing With High Maintenance Relationship

Let Me Tell You a Story…

I had always wanted a car, nothing expensive, perhaps a Range Rover Evogue 2017 would do. As I said, nothing expensive!

Finally my dream came true. Tony was selling at a fantastic price. I couldn’t believe my luck.

“How much last, you know this car is not new” 

Without any discount, the price was awesome, but the Naija blood in me just needed to ask a lesser price.

“That’s the best price madam”

“Ahn ahn na!”.

Long story short, the angelic white beauty was everything I needed in a car. I bought the car. If I wrote the down the places I would show off with my beauty, I wouldn’t finish this write-up. 

Driving it home, I had to go through Ojuelegba bus stop, and this adorable commercial bus driver decides that there was no other option but to dive into a big water filled pothole.


My entire car was covered in mud.

It took me four hours to get those stains out completely. What was I expecting, right? Its angelic white and I had to keep it that way. I went to bed, with so much satisfaction

The next morning, surprisingly, the car was dirty. Oh my God! How can a car I washed just the other night be dirty? So I had to wash and scrub before I could go to work. First day at work with my latest acquisition, of course it had to be perfect.

I was two hours late.

In five weeks, I had to buy a car cover, spend more on fuel, fixed several electrical issues, replaced the brake pad, realigned the wheels, replaced two shock absorbers, and let’s not forget wash, wash, wash. I had already spent almost half of the amount I used to buy the car. With my current salary and current spending rate, I was going bankrupt in less than three months!

“Stella, I would like to sell this car o, you wan buy?”

“But you just bought it barely five weeks ago…”

“Ehmm, ehmm” Crap!

That car is a high maintenance relationship… well, more or less.

The first time I ever heard about high maintenance relationships was when I read Les Parrott’s book on High-maintenance relationships: how to handle impossible people in 2007. After the few first pages I realized I had done a poor job in maintaining such relationships. In the past, there was nothing for me to consider in a relationship. Once a relationship wasn’t working, I moved on, even if there was a gold mine waiting to be mined in that relationship.

But then the realization… I can’t quit every job that the boss was a big scary monster. Or sack every employee that always had a story why she wants to skip work, resume late, or close early. Or engage in a fight with that colleague that makes it impossible to succeed with all the criticisms. Or tell off that neighbour that won’t just mind her business, always poke nosing in what I do. Or stop talking to my dad because he wants to make my decisions.

In life, there are people that take a lot from us – more energy, more commitment, more money, more resources, and the list keeps going up. We call them high maintenance people. Remember the angelic white car?

Unfortunately, we can’t do without some of such people – wife, husband, father, boss, business partner, landlord, friend, and include yours here. With tears in my eyes, I can bet that its not easy to avoid some of them, for example, the nosy neighbour. It is not as easy to sell of just the way I did eventually to that angelic white beauty I bought fictionally. The irony is that these relationships take its toll on our psyche. Making us toxic, negative, angry, financially drained, emotionally exhausted, etc.

Now, the temptation to leave every difficult relationship is there, but that should not be your first approach. But don’t get it twisted, there are some relationships you just have to let go, but take the better approach in dissolving relationships. Remember this African wise saying ‘Never burn any bridge because you do not know the route you might need to take when coming back’. I think it applies here in its full nine yards.

Relationships are as important as the air we breathe. That’s a lot to take in right? Its gist for another day.

Do you want to learn how to manage high maintenance relationships better? Subscribe to our mailing list and we would keep you informed on new posts on how to manage

  • Manage Emotional High Maintenance Relationships
  • Manage Physical High Maintenance Relationships
  • Manage Financial High Maintenance Relationships
  • Manage Social High Maintenance Relationships
  • Manage Spiritual High Maintenance Relationships
  • Manage Sexual High Maintenance Relationships

Do you think you are in a high maintenance relationship? There is a test for that. We would update it soonest. 

Learn more about us and what we do. You can also check our frequently asked questions for quick answers or send us a message. We’ll love to hear from you.

Until I come your way next time, remember, better day tomorrow. 


Parrot, L. 1996. High Maintenance Relationships. Illinois: Tyndale House 

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.